A Small Tribute to Chester Bennington

A few months ago, I had written about how Linkin Park’s music was changing, and how I was evolving along with it. Back then, the entire album – One More Light – had not been released and I couldn’t speak authoritatively. Now it has been, and I can say that it is every bit as “new” as I’d  expected it to be. Actually, a lot more.

But this isn’t a review of the album, it’s about Chester, the lead vocalist of  the band. He’s gone. Soon after the album was published, he chose to leave, forever. His issues and his decision have been the subject of the grapevine ever since, and along with the likes of Micheal Jackson, his passing will always be a matter of some controversy.

But it isn’t about the actual reasons. He had his reasons, and let’s leave it at that. Wherever he is, he is at peace now, and we should be at peace with his life. There is no foul play, and so let’s not drag up his ghost just to create gossip.

Instead, I want to talk about his impact. Having never imagined that a guy like Chester could leave, I was always expecting a new video or a new solo to come out. Maybe in a few months, maybe in a year. Chester would be there, and would lend his  soulful vocals. Vocals filled with bitterness, pain and angst. But lately, also with peace and realization. Too many people have talked about how this meant he was finally approaching final peace, but let’s not speculate. What he did was evolve, and I would have looked forward to more evolution. Sadly, there will be none.

There will be no more of the binge listening that followed every release, the pain that resonated from the songs through my own  soul. There would no longer be the complex feelings that came when one song shifted to another and the tough decision of whether to hit the rewind button or continue listening to the current song. It would no longer be possible to imagine my own life as a Chester melody, of pain, spiritual  end and rebirth. There would be no more dissonant resonance, because the voice will be silent for ever now.

It’d be easy at this point to point to one song and say – this was what Chester was for me. But he was many  things. He was Crawling in my skin/Wounds that would not heal, he was Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past, sometimes he was Leave out all the rest, and sometimes he was I didn’t realize that I was going too fast/I woke up riding my car.

Each album, each song has a different colour, it brought different images to my mind. Images that defined me, or made me aware of what I could not be, should not be. They gave me pain and allowed me to relate in verse what I felt in raw emotions. They allowed me to imagine situations -good and bad – and how I would deal with them. Not a line was extra, not a line was frivolous and useless. There would be songs that I would purposefully listen to on loop on some days, and there would be songs that I would avoid. not because they were bad, but because they felt like opening the damp door of a sarcophagus. Not disgusting, but scary nonetheless.

This is all gone now, and Chester, wherever you are, you deserve my thanks. Perhaps this will get drowned out in the hundreds that thank you, and express their love for you in ways I cannot. I never could attend a concert, hold your hand, or even see you in front of me. Never got an autograph, never got anything that would have told you I exist. But this isn’t about me. and this isn’t a competition,  and I’m sure you know that. You never were one to fight for the top slots, but ended up there nonetheless. Perhaps that is what true talent and true emotions can do. Mine are true as well, and when I say there never will be another Chester, and another LP song that wrung my heart dry the way your songs did, mate, I mean it.

Rest in Peace, Chester.

The Road Out of Tehatta – Part VII – Exit Procedures and The Memories That Be

Today is Mahalaya, the 19th of September 2017. As I sit in Kolkata and the evening turns to night around me, Puja fever is in full swing. There are a few more days to go before my own holidays begin, but they’ve already begun in Tehatta. For the people on the other hand, it would not be so much Durga Puja as the Laxmi Puja that follows. Nobody could explain why the latter is more important there, but it is. My colleagues, of course, would not be in Tehatta, but in various districts of the state, or even outside. There they would be celebrating in their own way, even as I enjoy these holidays in my own style. Tehatta would celebrate in one way, my colleagues in their own ways, me in my own. But when this season dies out, they will return to Tehatta, and I will still be here, in Kolkata.

The choice of course, was always my own. It is stupid of a young man to say that the decisions he makes in life have been foisted upon him by circumstances. No matter how much I whined about folks at home wishing me to work close to my residence; no matter how much I talked about needing to stay in Kolkata to do my PhD; no matter anything else- the fact remains that I wanted to return to Kolkata, and did so. In fact, from the very first day I went to Tehatta, I knew that one day I would want to return and return after having achieved something.

I don’t know if I did manage to achieve anything. Yes, my bank balance appears a lot fuller. Also, my heart is full of memories, only a few of which I have pasted in my blog. But those were not what I had been sent there for. Did I really manage to help the students who studied there? Did I, with my faltering Bengali and poor knowledge of these students’ needs, really manage to do better than what someone who has risen from their background would have done ? Was the PSC right in reposing faith in a person like me -full of high concepts but with little grasp of reality ? I don’t know.

But Tehatta tolerated me, and grew on me. And when I chose to leave, I did so knowing full well the decision I was making was my own. I had my reasons, and explicating them here will not cork the bottle of nostalgia that is overflowing right now. Tehatta could have left me behind quickly, and if it did so, I would not have developed the memories I have. It could have stayed with me for so long that I would have made it a semi-permanent part of my life. But it did neither, or rather, I didn’t allow it to. Hence, I had joy and learnt a lot but also had a constant understanding that I was often counting the days till I would get a chance to move closer home. Such is life – it forces you to develop bonds before asking you to break them and move on.

With all these conflicting emotions, I must pen the last part of this series. One of the easier ways to do this would probably be just to enumerate the facts. I’ll start with those. You see, back when I had applied for PSC, I had also applied for CSC, the service that recruits teachers for sponsored colleges. But the interviews for the latter dragged on indefinitely – an entire year in fact – and when they concluded, it was another couple of months before I got my counselling. Still more months passed before the interview took place, and another before I could formally join the new institution. In between, I ended up spending half a year in Bhawanipur and a year and a half in Tehatta.

But it was never clear that I would be able to leave. Colleges in Kolkata – which I was aiming for – were pitiably few compared to the demand, and chances appeared slim. I didn’t know that I would secure a decent rank and due to a number of factors including my competitors’ preferences, would manage to secure an interview at one of the most reputed colleges of the city. Neither did I know that I would be selected, or that I would have to wear my sole (and soul) out getting the release from my Tehatta service. I didn’t know any of it, and so the service in Tehatta was focused on Tehatta only, coupled with the occasional googling of CSC to see if any updates had been posted.

As my service in Tehatta collapsed in a series of visits to Bikash Bhavan to obtain the release orders, I became acutely aware that very soon I would no longer be heading to Tehatta. No longer would I be planning my tickets well in advance, or chewing my nails wondering if I would get a seat in the unreserved compartments if the booking status turned up as “Waiting”. No longer would I make 5 hour journeys that sucked the juice out of my bones, but allowed me to experience Tehatta in all its glory. No longer would I be a member of the West Bengal Education Service, and be counted as a gazetted officer. I would lead a different life, albeit under the same education system of West Bengal.

It was then that I conceptualized the idea of penning my ideas. Even before I had obtained my final release orders, I was wondering what all I would pen down. Starting my writing in June, I kept working through the monsoon months. Today, in late September, with three months already done at my new institution, I am at the final stage of the series.

In this time, a lot has happened. My colleagues knew that I had been selected, and coaxed me into telling them that I had opted for a college that had an interview stage. When I got through the interview, they knew it was only a time before the Kolkata boy returned to Kolkata. And so it happened. I put in my papers and began the long process of obtaining the release. Thankfully, it was May by the time I put in my papers, and the academic year was almost over. I had finished my course for the two years (the third year didn’t exist yet) well in advance, and the students didn’t suffer. In fact, they were hardly coming to college at all after April. Since the time was so short, I didn’t tell them face to face that I was leaving. I don’t know what their reaction would have been, but somehow it required a little more courage than what I could muster. Maybe because this leaving was no transfer – I was leaving because I wanted to. How do I explain that ?

Anyhow, Tehatta didn’t demand much of me in my final days there. There were Part III exams going on, and this meant we had to go for invigilation on specific days. That was fine, for it gave me time to run around Bikash Bhavan. But it also meant I was hardly ever staying there, since the invigilation days were hardly back to back ones. My Tehatta experience had been curtailed already, and this added to the nostalgia. As my colleagues ran around and planned for the next academic year, I felt I was in limbo – waiting to leave one place but not knowing anything about the new one. I knew I had to leave, but I wanted to leave on a better note. Better in what sense? I couldn’t tell, but I guess a perfect goodbye doesn’t exist.

I gave up my camp on the last day of May. Economic logic told me that I hadn’t been staying there for over a month, and there was every possibility that I would get my release within June. It simply made no sense to hold onto the rooms for another month. I had already told the landlady of my intentions (disguised as transfer – why did I do that?). This fulfilled the one month notice requirement. True, I could have gone back on my statement at any moment, but then again, why should I ? Life was takin me away from Tehatta, and I simply had to go with the flow.

One day before the final one, I had been given invigilation duty. That, unbeknownst to me, was the last full day of work I did at Tehatta. It was awfully dull, staring at students and occasionally confiscating study material from them. This gave me occasion to roam around the campus, and marvel at all that had changed since I had arrived. We now had beautifully whitewashed walls, a gate with tiled designs, an entire second floor that was almost complete (sadly, as of writing, it is still not in use from what I hear), grounds that had been decorated (though exactly for what still remained unclear) and a functioning canteen. It was still dusty, and the halls were still quite empty. I had believed that one day these would be filled up. Maybe they will be, but I wouldn’t be there to see it.

As I roamed around, I also noted the classes and the small things that had made up my life as a teacher in Tehatta Government College. For one, the first room assigned for history classes was Room No. 3. It was the same number as the classroom where I had studied as an undergraduate student in Presidency. That Room No. 3 had become an icon of our existence. I couldn’t say whether this room would have the same impact on my students, but it had a special relevance for me nonetheless. This, despite it later being turned into  the Chemistry lab, and the history class being shifted upstairs, and then again because a smart classroom had to be created.

Another small but lovely part of my life was my locker number. Back when I had joined, there were far more lockers than teachers,  and I had a good amount of choice. I chose one on the top left, and didn’t notice the number at the time. Much later, while sorting the keys, I noticed that it was no. 86. The address of Presidency College was 86/1. Strange, but another part of my own undergrad life seemed to have appeared in Tehatta.

These small bits and pieces received their last ovations from me as I prepared to leave. Rules demanded that I hand over everything I had taken from the college, and this included locker keys and the lockers themselves. Naturally I did so. I also returned books that I’d borrowed – books that had often helped me more in my research than the books in RKM or other noted libraries. I also began answering questions about my impending departure in a stronger affirmative.

After I had wrapped up the exam, I began wrapping up camp. And there was a lot of wrapping up to do. For someone who had lived with the express belief that this camp could not be turned into a full-fledged home away from home (see an earlier part of the series for details), I had accumulated a lot of stuff. I packed up as much as I could on the night of the 30th of May, and informed the landlady that I would be leaving the next day. The mini truck that was to carry my stuff back arrived late, and we had about an hour or so to complete all the remaining packing and loading. This was duly done, the folks sent with the truck acting with miraculous (and reckless) haste. Over that one hour, I found innumerable things that I had only known existed but never bothered to actually use, and now was carrying back in mint condition. I also realized that most of my stuff had been sourced from Kolkata, which I had been aware of but still marveled at when it was all being packed up.

Packing done, I paid the remaining money to the landlord, officially bid them well and removed my locks from the doors. The landlord informed me that he already had a person waiting to move in in early June, and so I need not be sorry about leaving. I nodded, half in relief and half disheartened to know that my camp would soon have someone else living in it. The truck revved up and set off. I checked things again, then headed out for the last time. My days of survival in Tehatta – insofar as they involved living in camp – were over.

At that time, I believed I would be going to Tehatta more than once before finally bidding goodbye. But it was not to be. Between running to the new college, heading to Bikash Bhavan and dealing with other matters, I didn’t find any time to go there beyond what was utterly necessary. And so it happened that I turned up there only after I’d obtained my release orders, and only so I could get the college release from the OIC. That done, people wished me well and I was heading back to Kolkata again, not sure when I would visit Tehatta next. The students weren’t there that day, but one of them called me as I was just getting home. Blissfully unaware that I had left, he inquired about the exams and how he should prepare. For a moment, I wondered whether I should tell him that he won’t have AM sir when classes resumed. Again, I choked and cut the call.

Thankfully, the folks there didn’t forget me, and instead planned one last hurrah. In July I was informed that a small meeting was being organized. I knew it was a farewell ceremony, a farewell ceremony for the youngest member of the staff there. The date was fixed as 4th of August, and I confirmed that I would be going.

This time, I made the journey purely for nostalgia’s sake, and clicked more photos than I had done during the entire two years. No longer was I photographing for the college website, nor for facebook. These would be memories that would be mine and mine alone, and I wished to capture everything before they slipped away.

I was greeted at the college with a lot of enthusiasm, but also some sadness. But nothing prepared me for the farewell itself. I had seen farewells before, but they had always been for people who had served long and had become pillars of the institution. I had barely served for a year and a half. Yet here I was, being spoken of in terms that made me feel warm and also somewhat embarrassed. I was being given bouquets and gifts befitting a senior teacher. I was the center of attention from teachers whose farewells I’d expected to attend. But instead, I was the one leaving.

At the end, it was my turn to speak. I’m not a great speaker, except when I’m discussing history and am in class. Or outside class. Talk history with me for hours, and I’m game. But ask me to talk about myself or some other topic, and you’d be lucky to have a dozen words from me. But on this day, words flowed. I wanted to say a lot, but held back a lot too. Even then, I spoke for a good twenty minutes, speaking of what Tehatta had given me. I spoke of how it had taught me how to handle a lot of things I would never have learned if I hadn’t joined. I talked about how it felt to be part of a budding institution instead of being bogged down by heritage. I spoke of my experiences with the staff and how I probably wouldn’t get such a staff room again.

Yet at the very end, I had to admit that the decision was mine. I had wanted to leave, and so I was leaving. It was no compulsion, but my own free choice. That said, this was the best staff room I’d probably get in a long time, probably never again. It sounded like a contradiction, but I was simply being honest. It was a contradiction, and if I were to smoothen over things, I would be lying on the very last day. That contradiction, in fact, has still not been solved and now, since I have made my decision and face its consequences, I wish to hold onto it for old times’ sake.

And so I left for the last time. We had booked a vehicle, and could all go together. This made for compelling chatter, some on the current situation, some on people’s theatre, some on Sunil Gangopadhyay and some on the meaning of academics itself. These were conversations that daily college life didn’t permit, and I was happy to be part of one, my last one in this setting perhaps. But beyond that, I watched as the fields rolled by, and wondered why I hadn’t noticed their beauty before. I had seen them enough, and had marveled at some of the jute harvesting techniques, but never at jute fields awash in the glow of the dying sun. Maybe there was a metaphor hidden in there, one that my unpoetic mind couldn’t grasp. Whatever it was, that journey back was one I would remember for a long time.

This brings me to the end of my reminiscing about Tehatta. I could talk about a lot more – I could speak about the students and their pros and cons, I could speak about how people outsmarted the Indian Railways to get seats on the 4:26,  and how scandals and controversies didn’t spare Tehatta entirely. But let’s not pen every thought down. Let’s leave something for the mind to chew on,  and for me to tell anyone who would be interested. Maybe my grandkids, if I do have them.  But given how great a listener I am, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were more into talking with their girl/boyfriends than talking to an old man like me.

But anyway, Tehatta is over. I’m not going back, except maybe if some document is needed at some time. I’m never working there again. Maybe I’ll pass by, or even visit for a seminar. But that would be it. The Tehatta chapter in my life is over, and it brings mixed feelings with it. Diving back into the realm of feelings would make this already 3000+ essay even longer, and make for a still more intolerable read. So let’s not. But I can say this – Tehatta taught me a lot, both as a person and as a teacher. From my ability to speak Bengali,  to my understanding of the needs of students from semi-urban and rural backgrounds to my surviving in a new place and becoming accustomed to the ways of the countryside, everything is due to Tehatta and Tehatta alone. I just hope I have been of some use to Tehatta too.

 

The Road Out of Tehatta – Part VI – The Roads That Be – Part II – The Journey From

When I’d started writing this series, I hadn’t imagined that I’d be at Part VI by the time I actually came to the part that seems  to symbolize the title. To be honest, “Road out of Tehatta” doesn’t really mean the highway that leads to  Krishnanagar. It means a lot more than that, as would be obvious from the previous parts. And this part is by no means the last. Yet I’m writing this, so it must have something to do with the title right. Right. A lot with the title.

You see, Mersault takes the bus back to Algiers with a sense of having to get back to work. The bus I took back home, on the other hand, was one that took me away from work. It took me away from the free life of hardship and glory to the comfortable one that I had been used to for all my life. It also took me away  from the simplicity of life in Tehatta – where everything existed in a binary of survival and work – to the far more complex existence that was, and is, Kolkata. The city, or the megapolis as I call it, included my research, my social life (including my girlfriend) and a good amount of other things that I didn’t have to worry about in Tehatta. I was moving towards a complicated comfort.

Not that I regretted any of it. Moving towards home is a theme that has been romanticized by many poets, not least by one of my favourites, Amy MacDonald in her “Road to Home”. Timeless classics like Caledonia speak of coming home from faraway places, a feeling not very different from what I felt while heading back towards the city.

In fact, in a way I felt I was moving back up the ladder of civilization. Before you begin thinking that I’m disparaging Tehatta for being uncivilized, I’m not. I’m simply  saying that life there is not so complicated. In my scheme of things, my college would be located in a village, amid lush green fields and little else. Then I would come to Tehatta proper, a town that had the ambitions to become something much greater. Then came Krishnanagar, and other cities like Ranaghat and Barasat, which were cities or polis. They were large bustling beasts, but none could compare with the highly complex queen, Kolkata. Kolkata, no matter where you lived in West Bengal, was the core of everything, the megapolis.

Most people living in the megapolis harbor a singular dichotomy between the city and the village. This is why they try to take kash-flowers and place them in fancy earthen pots in the middle of a bustling city. Sure, the same is done in villages. But in villages, such flowers can be found in the vicinity. They don’t have to be artificially implanted in a setting that long forgot what nature truly looks like. Again, they head into the villages for picnics during winters. Here they post lovely stories about the heritage of Bengal, her unique culture and the way centuries have passed with little change. Oblivious to how governments, policies and even seasonal changes constantly keep village folk on the edge of their beds (and beds they are, not charpoys), these city folks speak of the timelessness of the villages, harbouring all that is good in society, against the corrupting influences of the city.

Such people are whimsical idiots. But once I was one such idiot, believing that the village was just a polar opposite. I have never been particularly interested in villages for their timelessness, to be honest, but I was still part of the mold. And I remained part of the mold as long as the journeys I took involved air-conditioned coaches with pre-fab meals and desperate attempts to connect to the internet so I could reach facebook or whatever the fuck I wanted to access.

These journeys to and from Tehatta however, were different. For one, I wasn’t simply travelling between two well-known destinations. Rather, I was moving from a small place, to a bigger one, to a still bigger one. So I had to understand each place and make it serve my ends. This was especially important because time was vital.  People heading to the villages can stop and admire the fields all around them if there is a jam on the highway. I found little to admire in lush green fields, and anyhow seen too many such fields to be particularly impressed by them during jams. More to the point, I probably had the next day, and the one after that, already planned out and a delay meant I would be reaching the city late. If I did so, I’d end up on a different train, and everything else would be delayed.

This was so especially because the journey from was somewhat different from the journey to. For one, I usually returned with some of my colleagues. These colleagues weren’t fixed, since they also went to different places at different times, and would join me according to their itinerary. What I actually got was a revolving cast of people, each with their own preferences and ideas about how the hidden forces behind the transportation system worked. At first, I saw them as beacons of knowledge in a vast desert of danger – danger to timings and physical energy reserves that is.

As time went on though, I soon realized that some folks’ conception of time was a bit too rigid for me. I needed some amount of comfort. This was the reason why I had chosen to stay in Tehatta for part of the week. So hanging onto overhead rods in a bus chock full of folks, or getting knocked about by vendors and passengers on a busy train while holding onto the clothes-holder shaped overhead supports, was just not my cup of tea. Naturally, the details of the journey back evolved along with my ideas (and those of my co-travellers).

Initially, I used to book the hazarduari back to Kolkata, ensuring that I reached the station by 7pm, when it arrived. I intended to take a quick rest at my camp before heading out to catch an evening bus. Things quickly backfired though, and I  found myself rushing to Howlia to get a bus that would take me to the station in time. And I barely made it in the end.

Thereafter, I junked the idea of taking a quick rest and instead decided to head back home just after finishing college. Initially, this meant catching the Bama-Khyapa, or one of a number of special buses that had a reputation for getting you to Krishnanagar fast. Almost all of these were of the Karimpur variant, and depending on the time, you had to catch the bus, irrespective of the crowding involved. On  some days, such crowding was excessive and it was a mighty pain to dance to the bus’s tune in a cramped setting.

In fact, the very first time I headed back from Tehatta, I learned what crowding can do to you. I had to submit my salary documents to Krishnanagar in order to initiate my salary payments, and had been allowed to leave the college somewhat early by the OIC. I took a toto to the bus stand (PWD it was I think) and caught a bus to Krishnanagar. Back then I used to carry two bags – my old backpack and a bag in which I carried clothing  and other necessities of survival. On this occasion, the bus was super-crowded, with the conductor assuring me that a seat would be found for me sometime, at some stop. Being rather credulous, I boarded and managed to place the backpack in the overhead holder. But there was no place to keep my clothes bag. For one whole hour, I was forced to hold onto the bag as it slid under me, surviving curses from my hand and anyone who wished to move up or down the aisle.

Such experiences were repeated later as well.  As I learned though, asking people where they would disembark and keeping your bag as light as possible were among the few things you could do to make your life a little easier. Also, you could try and catch buses that would not coincide with the school closing periods. That could be earlier than the school timings or later, depending on how much  work you had on that particular day. Much much later, I also learned that you could catch the Palashipara buses from Jitpur more itself, and get a much better chance of landing a seat just after embarking. Eventually, I settled for the Chandana, a yellow and green beauty that allowed me to avoid the school rush and also ensure that I reached in time for the train.

Coming to the train, I realized that getting the Hazarduari after catching a train with my  colleagues meant waiting at the station for anywhere between 1 and half to 2 hours. This was clearly not an optimal way of doing things. To push things up from the sub-optimal, I began catching local trains. They were marginally cheaper (a lot cheaper in fact, but at those prices, everything does seem marginal). Trouble was, you could catch a train at 4:26pm and then one at 6:32pm.  Between them was the Lalgola Passenger, which was a royal pain to be in. For one, the train pulled in chock full of people who stayed on and made you navigate the aisles with the expertise of a gymnast. Getting a seat on the Lalgola was akin to winning a state lottery, and naturally, people like me were seldom even on the drawing list.

As time went on, I also realized that the 4:26 had the same problems.  For one, it attracted horribly large crowds, and getting on them was a veritable battle of champions. People who wished to climb up had to stand on either side like gladiators entering the ring, as those already on the train got down. Then there would be the stragglers, who (barring children and women) would be dragged down and tossed away. Now the real battle began. The most athletic pranced into the coach and rushed to catch the best seats (and reserve as many as possible). Next came the second rung – people like me who were young, could do a fair bit of wrestling but didn’t have the skill needed to be at the top. We pushed in after them and rushed to take the middle seats. The remainder – the old, the infirm and anyone who had chosen to stand anywhere except the exact place where the coach doors stopped – had to clamber in at the end and get the “fourth seat”, ie the one where half your ass is on the seat and the rest is dangling dangerously off the edge.

The 4:26 was the clearest example of this. On days when the masters of the race were in the hunt and were on my side, I would get a rather decent seat. On days when they weren’t and I had made it to the station well in time, I would get a decent seat. On days when neither checked out, I would be sitting on the fourth, wondering when one person would leave and I would get to move up. Not that that always checked out. You see, Indian trains don’t have a charter of manners. So, people getting on after you would “reserve” seats one through three and when one got off, you still remained on the fourth. I’ve done my fair bit of fighting to civilize these idiots, but in a country where you get to ride a train legally by paying just 43% of your actual fare (as declared by the railways themselves), how much change can you expect?

Anyhow I realized that even with all these problems, the 6:32 was a far better option. On more than one occasion I could get a window seat even without being a pro local train boarder. Even when I did not, the cooler climes of the evening and the generally more laid-back attitude of fellow travelers made it a far more pleasant journey. This was, in terms of trains, the ideal to be aimed for.

If that failed, there was the 7:22pm train. This was an even less crowded train,  since there was wide consensus that people with families should not get home later than 9 in the night. On  this train, fighting for window seats was far less, and unless you wanted to actually get hold of the window seat in the direction of the train, you wouldn’t have to fight at all. People lazed around and looked detached from the goings on around them, as if resigned to the berating their wives would inevitably give them for getting home late. Or maybe they didn’t have wives, and instead were casually wondering if they had enough stocks of alcohol in order to imagine the company they might have had if they had checked all the social boxes up to that point of their lives. Or they were like me, who were wondering whether the train would move fast enough for me to get to the metro station in time for the 9:55 metro out of Dum Dum.

Now there is a huge debate over whether it is ideal to return home by train or bus. There were no train lines running to Tehatta, and one bus at least was part of the entire journey of each one of us. But beyond Krishnanagar, the debate intensified. I had found that catching a bus allowed you to relax and enjoy a far more airy journey, even if it didn’t save a lot of time. On the other hand, the proponents of buses constantly complained that buses were riskier, wasted more time and were less comfortable compared to trains. Their arguments regarding time I accept, but the rest ?

I mean, compared to the hard-plastic seats of the trains, you’d be far better off even on the narrow seats of the average long-distance bus. And if you were lucky to catch a government bus, you’d have a large single seat to share with your co-passengers. Unless you were traveling with someone the girth of me (no comments please), you’d have plenty of space even if you were travelling on the middle seat. Also, the buses had seats all facing in the direction of the bus, and on average, the windows were larger than those on the trains. So it was a far more comfortable journey in terms of ambient temperature, even if you spent a substantial part standing.

How did I realize all this ? Courtesy of another subset of my colleagues. These were the people who lived closer to Tehatta than I did, and found it more convenient to travel by bus than train because trains would usually force them to catch another toto or bus to reach home. Over time, I realized that once you got a seat on the bus, there would be –

a.       No one standing in front of you

b.       No one asking you to give more space

c.       A window near you, even if you weren’t on the window seat

d.       Emptier aisles due to longer distances between stops

e.       Lesser babies (I have a personal dislike of screaming babies on public transport).

Exceptions existed, and more than once I had to take a bus at 6 in the evening, hanging onto the second step and waiting desperately for Phulia to arrive so I could get some space to stand. Then again, there were days when parents encouraged kids to puke so they could have seats. Urggghh!

But within six months of joining Tehatta, I had moved from the Hazarduari to local trains and then to buses. Starting out with some variant of the Gouranga from Pantha Tirtha, I would reach Kolkata within 4 hours. Combined with the one-hour bus ride to Krishnanagar (Pantha Tirtha lies on Krishnanagar’s stretch of the National Highway), this made for a full five hours of travel. Could I save half to one hour using the train? Yes, but why should I ? I’d rather prefer to come home at 9 than at 8:30, because, you know, I don’t have a wife yet.

Eventually, things got into a rhythm. I learned that there was one special bus that ran from Mayapur to Kolkata, carrying all sorts of devout and almost bald people. This bus stopped at Pantha Tirtha but you really had to run in order to catch it. And catch it we did, including the times when you had to throw the cash into the toto driver’s hand and run to the bus before it left.

And then there was of course, the legendary direct bus. I’d been told that such a bus existed, but I hadn’t believed such rumours. Until I saw it myself. A CTC bus (now CSTC), this ran from Karimpur to Kolkata, with a half hour stop at Pantha Tirtha. Once you caught it and got a seat (usually not before Krishnanagar), a Rs. 100 ticket would get you directly to Baguiati. In other words, the multi-stage five hour journey was melded into a single one, and you didn’t have to worry about getting seats again and again. Also, since each change of vehicle introduced another element of delay and uncertainty, this bus was the most direct and time-saving solution I could find, even though it didn’t save a lot of time over the trains on the days when the trains ran on time.

But this essay isn’t simply a long story about how I got from one vehicle to another. That would be immensely boring, and also would tell only half the story. Hence, I would leave out the running over the tracks to catch the train or toto, the endless waiting when trains came late and the smart tricks I learned for getting seats on trains and buses (beyond the ones I’ve mentioned). Instead, let’s talk of what the journey meant to me.

For one thing, it meant going home. The journey was long, and thinking about going home all this time could be a bit of a bore. So, I had to think of other things, and not ones that I would do when I actually got home. Instead, I would look at the rapidly darkening horizon and the houses beside the highway (or the tracks). What did I think?

I wondered what those people were up to. Most of them would have smaller worlds, ones which did not include much beyond their own homes. I had learned that the farther you went from cities, the more the people became localized, rooted to their homes and localities in ways that would be unimaginable to city folk. In cities, you are constantly on the move. I myself have lived in half a dozen cities, and more houses than I can bother to count. But these people have lived in the same region for generations. Women would marry and move to the husband’s house, and then that would become their permanent place of residence. Women worked much less than men, so these places would grow on them till they became the homes with which they identified themselves. Men on the other hand, would work some distance away from their homes. On rare occasions, these would be large cities like Kolkata, but would more often be the surrounding areas. There they would have networks of relatives and friends who would be interested in specific things. Discussions would revolve around the local, with some amounts of the national and even the international thrown in. But their worlds would be small, tidy and with a finite set of concerns.

Then there were the people idling during the beautiful red evenings. I had been one of them myself during my younger days. I wasn’t usually idling so much as playing something. As the sun’s warmth reduced, we would descend on the grounds and play cricket, badminton and whatnot. We would play and chat and laugh as the evening moved from the light yellow to the inkish black, before heading in and doing such boring things as homework. And think of how we would play again, in school the next day and in the evening, at home.

Maybe the people I saw had such thoughts. I knew for a fact that people in the villages had a far greater love of sports. This was necessary for basic survival, and also because a lot of the jobs they sought – police, ITBP, etc – required a high level of physical fitness. Sometimes I wished I could join them. Surely they would play better than me, and would have some choice slang for my lack of skill. But that would still make my happy, for I would be going back to my days in school.

I also saw people sitting and chatting on rooftops. Sometimes they would be drinking tea, sometimes playing badminton. They were usually girls, but I saw a fair number of boys too. I knew that these people had probably woken up from a refreshing sleep, and were planning on spending a lazy evening before heading in and preparing for the next day. They had their own worlds, and in their worlds, work and play were all close at hand. They were inextricable parts of daily life, not sacrificed to one another on the altars of unemployment or workaholism. Maybe it was not so rosy after all. But when the sun’s fading glow takes you back decades, things do appear rosy from a CTC bus’s window.

Did I feel sorry for myself? I wouldn’t use the word sorry, for it would mean that I wasn’t happy where I was. Yes, I did yearn for the simpler life, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t want to be where I actually was. For I was going home after having worked, worked honestly and well. I don’t know about other people who work, but for me, going home after work is extremely satisfying. It seems to give me a sense of pride and a right to sit on the seat I am on at the moment. I know that even if I didn’t do anything, I could still take the ride if I paid. But I was going back after doing what society expected me to do. I could hold my head high and relax, and know that I was a contributing member of society.

Beyond that, there was also the feeling summarized by Robert Frost in his poem. Yes, I was going home, but it wasn’t exactly round the bend. Instead, there were miles to go, both literally and figuratively. I would pass across various areas – villages, towns, cities – on my way and maybe I’d get down and change my vehicle along the way. I would interact, very briefly and only in passing – but I would interact all the same and when I did, that would also be part of the overall journey. I was doing what had to be done, and whatever the problems and impediments, I would get home after doing my work. Many would baulk at the prospect, but not me. What I was doing was glorious.

All of this begs the question though – did I like the prospect of making the journey ? Considering it from the Kolkata at-home perspective, probably not. There were too many variables on that journey, and even one of them could serious fuck up the whole journey. What had been anticipated as a comfortable reminiscence of existence would turn into a desperate shoving game for an hour or more. What had been anticipated as a journey to an evening cup of tea would become one to a very late dinner. Above all, what had been anticipated as a relaxing journey may well turn into an exhausting one, both mentally and physically.

Yet all considered, I didn’t regret the journey while on the journey. You could say I didn’t have a choice, but I have seen enough people bitching about the journey they make to know that a lot of people would very much prefer if they didn’t have to travel to work at all. For me, travelling to work has always been part of the work itself. Tehatta was no exception, and while I’m happy that the journey is behind me, I can also say that all that time travelling taught me a lot about life – and reminiscing about life – that I would otherwise have learned.